Admitting
by fae-cramoisi
Summary: Ritsuka finally admits his feelings towards Soubi, to himself and to his fighter unit. Rated M for a very good reason.


Ritsuka tapped his pen on the table mindlessly. Maths was definitely not his strong point, and the heat of the summer was doing little to aid his motivation. He needed some excuse, to procrastinate for even a little while, but he couldn't figure out what he wanted to do.

Well, that's not strictly true.

He wanted to call Soubi, maybe ask him over. Since killing Semei, they didn't really speak all that much anymore, and saw each other even less. Although he wouldn't admit it for love nor money, he did miss Soubi. He missed the soft, low voice, the unexpected visits, the "I love you"s and the kisses. Oh, Christ, the kisses. He'd squirm away and resist, but a little part inside him, deep inside him, liked it. Soubi was the first person to make him feel genuinely loved since Semei, and all Ritsuka could do was worry that his resistance had pushed Semei away.

A loud bang interrupted his thought process. Finally. Ritsuka's mother had been in a foul mood, worse than usual, so Ritsuka simply locked himself in his room and dressed his wounds. A small, battered hand rose to touch a particularly sore spot on his face; there was going to be one hell of a bruise there in the morning. Checking his phone for what must have been the hundredth time that day, the now-familiar feeling of dejection kicked in. No calls, no texts. Ritsuka knew that he should call Soubi, or text him, or something, so he opened the phone and began to type out a message.

The window clicked and Ritsuka whirled around in his computer chair to greet the man he'd been missing so much. "Soubi!" he exclaimed, forgetting for a moment his usually cool exterior. Running to the window, he wrapped his arms around his fighter unit, burying his head in Soubi's warm chest. Surprisingly, Soubi didn't respond for a few seconds, until tears fell on the short black hair and the cat ears protruding from his skull. "What's wrong? Tell me Soubi" Ritsuka demanded, praying that Soubi didn't need an order to share his pain.

Instead of responding verbally, Soubi embraced Ritsuka tighter, picking him up and carrying him over to the unmade bed. Deciding to just go with it, Ritsuka didn't stuggle, and allowed his fighter to sit him on his lap and cuddle, with Soubi still sobbing unabashedly into Ritsuka's hair. Words seem to escape the normally verbose man, so still worrying about having pushed him away, Ritsuka simply hugged the older man back for a little while. Becoming a little braver, Ritsuka tilted his head up and kissed Soubi's lips; just a peck, but still significant. This was the first time Ritsuka had initiated anything. Soubi's immediate response only spurred Ritsuka on, prompting him to continue planting butterfly kisses all over Soubi's face.

"I'm sorry, Ritsuka" Soubi eventually choked out. "I'm sorry for abandoning you. I'm sorry for leaving you. I just… I can't explain it, I don't want to scare you. I'm sorry". Soubi only got so far before breaking down in fresh tears and nestling into Ritsuka's hair again.

"it's fine, it's okay, I understand" Ritsuka crooned, holding Soubi only tighter. Kissing Soubi again, Ritsuka swallowed his pride and mumbled "I'm sorry for not making an effort to keep in touch with you. I…" This was difficult for Ritsuka to say. He'd grown accustomed to not showing much emotion, keeping everything to himself, but if there was any time to break that custom, it was now. Swallowing the saliva that suddenly filled his mouth, Ritsuka whispered "I love you".

Soubi's heart seemed to stop for a moment. What he had been wishing to hear all this time, what he'd convinced himself he'd never hear… this was it. His tears slowing, Soubi tilted Ritsuka's chin until their lips met, in a different way than ever before. Ritsuka was growing up now, he'd matured an awful lot throughout his ordeal, there was no need to feel sick or perverted about the thoughts going through his mind. Gently lapping at Ritsuka's lips with his tongue, Soubi begged entrance, expecting Ritsuka to pull back at any moment, declare him a pervert and throw him out of the room.

Ritsuka felt Soubi's tongue on his lips and a new sensation ran through his body. Instinctively, he parted his lips and relaxed into Soubi, feeling the shudders from tears slow to a halt. A hand crept up Ritsuka's back, resting gently on his neck, pulling him closer. A tremor ran through Ritsuka's body at the touch, this was new, but it didn't feel strange. It felt… right. He knew exactly what he wanted at that moment in time, and judging by the length solidifying under Ritsuka, Soubi wanted it too.

"Soubi?" Ritsuka broke away from the kiss momentarily. Worry filled Soubi's face, it seemed to seep out of every pore. Swallowing again, Ritsuka spoke again, albeit less confidently than he would have liked. "Will you… Will you take my ears?"

Soubi looked shocked. Pleased, ecstatic even, but still shocked. "Are you sure?" he asked nervously. He didn't want to push anything on the still-young man. And he definitely didn't want to seem even more of a pervert than he already felt. Ritsuka nodded, and Soubi wasted no hesitation in beginning the kiss again, but with a great deal more urgency than before. Hands roamed, with no set destination, just exploring one another's bodies in detail. The gentle curve of the waist. Soubi's understated but defined muscles. The hips. The thighs. Soubi gently tugged at Ritsuka's shirt, pulling it over his head to admire the slim frame in all its glory. Scars, remnants of his mother's abuse, littered his chest, but somehow didn't detract from his beauty. Still revelling in it, Soubi barely noticed slim, lithe hands shakily undo his shirt buttons. Cold air hit Soubi's back, only propelling his desire for the man underneath him. Still kissing, the pair held each other closer than either thought was humanly possible, whilst Soubi's hand wandered to Ritsuka's jeans, dipping his fingers just below the waistband, teasing his sacrifice.

Suddenly very warm, Ritsuka felt Soubi's fingertip brush his sensitive v-lines, silently begging for him to go further. Worrying about his lack of experience, Ritsuka mimicked Soubi's actions, trailing his fingers along the hemline of Soubi's pants until he reached the button. With shaking hands, he tugged at the fastening, seeking some sort of permission, reassurance that he was doing this right. Receiving no complaint, Ritsuka grew braver and undid the button, followed slowly by the zip, tugging at the pants until Soubi assisted him in taking them off completely. In awe of what was happening, Ritsuka panicked. He didn't know what to do now. What was right? What would make Soubi feel good? Fortunately, his dilemma was interrupted by Soubi removing Ritsuka's jeans and stroking his well-developed length through his boxers. Ritsuka felt like his entire body was on fire. Every inch of him was screaming for more. Acting a lot braver than he felt, Ritsuka reached inside Soubi's boxers and, mimicking Soubi again, lightly traced his fingertips along Soubi's shaft. A noticeable shudder racked Soubi's body, all he could think about was his desire for Ritsuka. He wanted to enter him now, to wrack his sacrifice with the same pleasure he was feeling, but the logical part left working in Soubi's brain was telling him to keep it slow; this was Ritsuka's first time, after all, and he didn't want to hurt him. It took an inordinate amount of control to go as slowly as they were, but surely a little faster couldn't hurt.

Soubi pulled Ritsuka's boxers off in one fluid motion and, bending over Ritsuka, he took his lenth into his mouth. A gasp escaped Ritsuka's mouth as Soubi's tongue traced up him, lips trailing the base of his cock. A tense knot grew deep in Ritsuka's stomach, only growing more pronounced as Soubi continued to suck and lick his length. When Soubi swirled his tongue around the head, Ritsuka felt as if he was going to burst from this feeling inside him. Ignoring his own erection, now beginning to throb with desire, Soubi focused on pleasuring Ritsuka, continuing his attack on the younger man's cock until Ritsuka's hips began to buck, and moans and gasps escaped his lips. Knowing he was near his climax, Soubi reduced his movements to fast, repetitive sucks until, with a final cry, Ritsuka came.

Nestling up against Ritsuka, Soubi expected him to want a little time to recover. But as soon as they were level, Ritsuka's hand slipped back into Soubi's boxers, pulling them down. Grasping Soubi's length, Ritsuka moved his hand, figuring that what felt good on him would work for Soubi too. Apparently he was right, as Soubi moaned and grunted with pleasure, only spurring Ritsuka on. Despite finishing so soon before, Ritsuka felt himself hardening again, growing more rigid with every intake of breath, every groan, every gasp that came from his lover. He felt the knot in his stomach return, and Soubi reached a hand to Ritsuka's mouth, silently asking him to suck the three offered fingers. As Soubi grew closer and closer to his orgasm, he reluctantly halted Ritsuka in his hand job.

"This might hurt, Ritsuka. Are you sure you're ready?" Soubi asked, praying that the answer would still be yes. After a reassuring nod from Ritsuka, Soubi positioned himself at the youth's entrance. Carefully tracing one well-lubricated finger around his puckered hole, Soubi pushed in, feeling the tight ring of muscle begin to breach. Giving time for Ritsuka to adjust, Soubi swirled his finger around until a gasp from Ritsuka informed him he'd found the man's prostate. Carefully adding another finger, he saw tears forming in Ritsuka's eyes. This was clearly hurting the boy. Apologizing, Soubi began to ask if he wanted to stop, but was interrupted. "Carry on". The response came fairly weakly, but trusting Ritsuka's pain tolerance, Soubi obeyed. Scissoring the digits, Soubi felt the muscle begin to stretch. The addition of a third and final finger almost made Ritsuka cry out in pain, but he bit his lip and powered through it. He didn't want Soubi to think he wanted to stop.

After Ritsuka was as stretched as his body would allow, Soubi withdrew his fingers, earning a worried glance from Ritsuka. Lining himself up, Soubi gently pushed his length into Ritsuka's now-stretched entrance. Despite his best efforts, Ritsuka couldn't hold back a cry of pain at the foreign penetration. Kissing the younger man, Soubi did his best to reassure him. "Shhh, it will feel good soon, you just need a little time to adjust". They led there for a little while, Soubi still inside Ritsuka, until the youth nodded and Soubi withdrew just the right amount, before pushing back in, brushing Ritsuka's prostate again. Another cry passed Ritsuka's lips, but with completely different connotations this time. Soubi knew he wouldn't last long, those moans and gasps were too arousing, and Ritsuka was so tight… His brain nearly overloaded with the pleasure he was feeling. Quickening the pace a little, Soubi shifted so Ritsuka's prostate was hit upon every thrust. More intoxicating sounds came from the younger male underneath him, and Soubi pushed back the fear of injuring Ritsuka. Thrusting harder and faster, Soubi began to cry out at the sensation, whilst Ritsuka's moans only grew louder. Ritsuka was close, Soubi could tell. His breath was coming in ragged gasps and his muscles were tightening around Soubi's cock. Grabbing Ritsuka's length, Soubi began to pump it in time with his thrusts. This double stimulation blew Ritsuka over the edge and, crying out Soubi's name, the youth came across both their stomachs. The contraction of Ritsuka's muscles, combined with the faces and noises he was making, proved too arousing for Soubi; he followed in climaxing, pumping his seed deep inside the boy.

Pulling out, Soubi crawled over to Ritsuka's still-trembling frame and pulled him into a close embrace, throwing the covers over them at the same time. The massive weight on his chest for these past few months was gone and, giving Ritsuka another kiss, they both drifted to sleep.


End file.
